Earth Shattering Heartbreak

My heart sank as the phone rang just after 3am because it knew. I received confirmation as I heard my mom’s tearful voice in my ear.

I stayed calm as I thought, “Oh my God! My mom has just lost HER mom!” I cannot fathom her pain because I cannot fully fathom mine.

I continued to stay calm as I encouraged my mom to take a deep breath and said some shit about her being at peace, which is true, and also really super annoying to write right now.

Knowing this day was coming, surprisingly didn’t make it any easier. Knowing I’ll never get to hug my grandma again is not sitting well with me.

The call ended

I fell apart

I wailed

I paced

I sobbed

I became aware of the thunder, lightning and rain.

I stood outside and continued to cry and hold myself as it stormed around me.

Holy shit, the pain!

So much pain

Engulfed by earth shattering heartbreak, my soul ferociously wept with mother nature.

How do people do this?!

Live through loss

The massive amounts of pain we carry as human beings is utterly unreal.

Things will get better

to a certain degree

and yet

my heart

will never be quite the same.

..

for now

Excuse me while I fall apart.

The only way is through..